Paradise Lost A season 3 Finale Fic Rated M
by Leah Day
Summary: Set during the end of ep 13 of series 3. After that things sort of spiral out of control :


_**Paradise Lost**_

_**By Leah**_

_**Summary**_

Set during the end of ep 13 of Season three, then gets a bit twisted. Warning, religious beliefs are questioned!

_**Disclaimer**_

I don't own a thing! Rats!

Rated M for sexual references and language.

_**Somewhere in Heaven**_

Robin smiled tenderly at Marian.

"My wife," he whispered and the lovely Marian returned his smile with equal tenderness.

"Now and forever my love," she replied softly.

They kissed passionately and hugged each other, laughing with joy.

Hand in hand the couple walked away from Robin's body, excited about the adventure Marian had spoken of.

"Robin," Marian asked.

"Yes my love?" Robin answered.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything my love."

"WHO THE FUCKING HELL IS KATE?" she screamed, ripping her hand away from Robin's. "I SODDING WELL WAITED FOR YOU ROBIN! I WASTED SO MUCH BLOODY TIME WAITING FOR YOU TO CARK IT WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN ENJOYING MYSELF! YOU COMPLETE TIT! YOU UTTER PRAT!"

"M-Marian!" a startled Robin stammered. "I-I had needs!!!!"

"So did I! But noooo! Whilst everyone else was going at it like bunnies I remained celibate! You are such an inconsiderate bastard!"

"Awwww! My widdle muffin of loooooooooooov!" Robin cooed.

Marian snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Forget it sack of shit! I'm getting an annulment!"

"You can't get an annulment Marian! We're bound together in holy matrimony!" Robin cried.

"Listen here care bear from Hell!" Marian roared scaring Robin so much his toupee covering his bald patch nearly fell off. "We're in Heaven now! That means eternal happiness! And what would make me eternally happy? I'll tell you! What would make me eternally happy is a bloke who didn't want to shag every fucking wench he comes across!"

"Marian!"

"Tough Tits!" Marian shrieked. "I've got my annulment and now I am off for a big-"

"Already?" Robin asked with a frown. "Don't I get a say in any of this?"

"Yes Robin, I got my annulment quickly," Marian snapped. "Why you ask? Well, I'll repeat myself. Eternal …. Happiness. That means no more waiting!"

Robin scratched his head in confusion.

"I've really got to talk to the big G about this," he muttered.

"Ahem! Robin! The big _G_ is having a facial!" Marian growled with her hands on her hips. "Doesn't want to be disturbed."

"Are you saying the big G is a sodomite?" Robin demanded.

"No. Though may be next week. Hasn't really decided yet."

"So that means … Holy crap! God's a freaking woman?"

Marian rolled her eyes.

"Is that so bad?"

Robin was about to say yes but quickly changed his mind and did not respond.

"Oh Robinnnnnnnnnnnnn!"

Both former wife and husband turned to see an extremely dirty, yet still amazingly sexy, Isabella of Gisborne swaying provocatively toward them.

"C'mere you bad boy!" she purred seductively, tossing her dark, tangled curls. "You know you want to! Come to Izzie Gizzy my furry ball of fun!"

Marian's cheeks burnt with anger.

"What?" she spat, glaring at Robin who stumbled backward in fear.

"Needs Marian!" he reminded whilst crossing his fingers.

'_Please make it quick!'_ he pleaded mentally.

"Ah …Right. Bad timing …. Only one thing to do about that. Going to go and find mum," Isabella said with a nervous smile.

"What?" Robin squeaked. "You can't leave me like this!"

Too bad Bobbin boy. Mummy's little girl, Izzie Gizzy, was going. The former vengeful and power hungry sibling Guy smiled nervously again at Robin and his pissed off ex wife and then gave a short wave.

"Toodles!" she squeaked and took off.

Marian's nostrils began to flare. Her hands balled into small yet famously deadly fists.

"Now Marian," Robin said backing further and further away. "Let's not be hasty!"

_**Somewhere e**__**lse in Heaven**_

Under the shade of a coolabah tree-I mean, under the shade of a big tree in a big field, a naked Sir Guy of Gisborne, sexiest ghost ever according to the big G, had been getting reacquainted with his former bum boy, who was the second sexiest ghost ever according to the big G, a naked Allan A Dale, when a fully clothed Marian came charging past in a twenty horse drawn chariot, chasing, screaming abuse and tossing fire balls at a rather terrified Robin.

When Marian and Robin had left his sight Guy shrugged, turned to Allan, and asked this question.

"Reckon she'll want an annulment?"

"Reckon she's already got one mate! You get those kinds of things rather quick here.

Gisborne smirked in agreement remembering how he and Allan had gotten bigger sausages in two seconds flat.

"That you do."

"So …" Allan continued, "how about we ask her over?"

Guy looked down to where an extremely pretty young naked woman lay coquettishly batting her blue eyes at him.

"What do you think Meg?" he purred lustfully. "You up for an awesome foursome?"

Meg grinned wickedly.

"Bloody oath!" she declared.

Dear little saucy Meg's agreement was followed by the passionate pounding of hooves then Marian's shrieking for the heavenly animals to please stop. When the twenty chariot pulling equines had come to a halt the beautiful but still quite pissed off Maz left her chariot and stomped toward the tree.

"Marian," Guy rumbled seductively.

"Hello Guy I need your sausage. Is there any room for one mo-" she stopped when she saw Meg sandwiched between Guy and Allan then scowled.

"Oh shit! She's going to shove a fireball up my bum!" Meg moaned and covered her face with her hands.

"Come on Maz. Be flexible!" Allan pleaded.

'_Stare her down. Do not grovel_,' Guy thought.

The sexy female ghost thought about this for a few centuries, it was her prerogative, and then shrugged her shoulders.

"Sod it! Move over Allan!" she ordered yanking at her cloak and dress.

And so it was! The MAG with an extra M shagging fest began under a tree. And the awesome foursome continued shagging and are probably still at it till this day whilst Robin is still running away from a fireball.

_**The end**_

_**Authors note**_

Ha! You thought this was going to be a RH/LM fic didn't you? DIDN"T YOU?

Well, it isn't! So there! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I wrote this for a laugh by the way. Hopefully you might get a giggle out of this to. If not. Well, that's not for me to worry about.

Also. I don't think Heaven works as quickly as Marian says it does. I do, even though I am not all that religious believe in Heaven and firmly believe that God is an it rather then a he.

Ta ta for now  Me.


End file.
